


Love, Loss, and Lionhood

by RitWrites, TheGhostofMoriarty



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), The Lion King (1994)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Interspecies Relationship(s), Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1446394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RitWrites/pseuds/RitWrites, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGhostofMoriarty/pseuds/TheGhostofMoriarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tale of Ryan the Purple Lion: Ex-pornstar and lover of sponges.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Purple Passion Under the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick and SpongeBob loved each other very much. But then a mysterious new neighbor moves to town and begins to shake things up. How will SpongeBob react? How will Patrick handle this new issue?

Patrick and SpongeBob loved each other very much.  However, they did not know of the other's love.  This could be very frustrating at times, but they were happy together as best friends nonetheless.  One bright, blue morning SpongeBob and Patrick sat on a sandy hill together, watching the jellyfish glide by, buzzing with delight.  It was one of those most blissful mornings, when the two friends would sit in mostly silence and contemplate their love for one another.  However, for Patrick, that bliss would not last long.

As noon rolled around, the two friends made their way back home, and that's where it all began.  Patrick was the first to notice that there was a moving boat right outside of the sand castle next to SpongeBob's pineapple home.  Outside of the sand castle stood a handsome looking creature, talking to one of the moving men.  This creature was purple in color and feline in shape.  He was a large purple lion, whose full mane poofed out around his ears and face.  The lion showed great confidence in every move that he made; everything from talking to the moving men to walking across the street.  Looking at him, even Patrick had to admit, there was certainly an attraction to this lion, but not nearly to the extent of SpongeBob.  However, SpongeBob was having more severe thoughts about this new lion.

This new neighbor caught the eye of SpongeBob almost as soon as he did Patrick's, but in a much more striking way.  To SpongeBob, this lion was a god, with his rippling muscles, royal-like charisma, and his gloriously beautiful face.  The way he swung his mane around made him excited in ways he had never felt before.  SpongeBob looked at his new neighbor with wonder and lust.  The lust in SpongeBob's eyes caught Patrick's attention, and he was not happy.  In fact, he was angry.

Suddenly, SpongeBob became overwhelmed with embarrassment, and in this embarrassment, he knelt in the grass and began grazing, just as a cow would. This caught the purple lion's attention, and he made his way over to the two sea creatures.  The purple lion looked at SpongeBob and greeted him, "Hello, my name is Ryan.  Are you the fellow who lives in that pineapple beside my new home?  That would make us neighbors!"

SpongeBob mooed in reply.

"Are you a cow?  How silly of me not to have noticed.  Especially since I'm the lord of all cows," said Ryan.

Patrick was not impressed with the lord's comment, "No. His name is SpongeBob, and he's _MY_ best friend!"

"Oh," said Ryan, ignoring the sass in Patrick's tone, "Well, hello SpongeBob."  It was obvious that the lion was quite taken with his new neighbor.  Judging by the way his eyes lit up once Spongebob finally stood up and began to act more civilized, it was clear bigger thoughts than the usual neighborly thoughts were running through his mind.

"H-hello, Ryan," stuttered SpongeBob nervously, reaching out to shake the lion's paw.  SpongeBob's heart raced, as he clasped Ryan's purple paw in his hand.  The sponge's hand had become clammy with nervousness, and it grossed Ryan out in a way that only made him all the more attracted to his new neighbor.

The two neighbor's eyes locked, and silence fell around them.  Brief heart-stopping moments passed between the two of them, but to Patrick, they felt like hours.  The starfish became even angrier as the two silently began their descent into true love.  As Patrick silently seethed, Ryan leaned a bit closer to SpongeBob, voice a bit less confident than before, as he asked, "Hey, would you like to take a look inside of my house?  The movers are almost finished."

"I'd love to," replied SpongeBob, knees weak.  He then turned to Patrick, finally remembering where he was.

"No," huffed Patrick. "You two go on.  I have…stuff to do."  The starfish sighed sadly and walked away.

SpongeBob shrugged, as he and Ryan made their way to the sand castle.

"So, what do you do for a living, SpongeBob?" asked Ryan, as he showed SpongeBob his living and dining rooms.

"Oh, me?  I'm a fry cook at the Krusty Krab!  It's the best job in the world!" replied SpongeBob.

"A fry cook, eh?" smirked Ryan, "You know, I passed the Krusty Krab on my way into town.  I should stop by sometime."

"You should!" exclaimed SpongeBob.  "Krabby Patties are the most delicious things in the entire sea, I guarantee you!  And I'm the best spatula handler in all of Bikini Bottom."

"Oh, you are, are you?" asked the purple lion with a devilish grin that was none too chaste, "We'll have to put that to the test sometime."  SpongeBob blushed, half getting the innuendo.

"So, what kind of job do you have?  It must pay a lot to have a nice house like this," remarked SpongeBob.

"I'm…um…well…I'm a…professional jellyfish wrangler," Ryan replied thoughtfully.  This, of course, got SpongeBob very excited.

"REALLY!?"

"Really," replied Ryan, "Hey, why don't we go out this weekend and try to catch some jellyfish?  You know, try and get to know each other better."

"Are you asking me on a date?" inquired SpongeBob, hopefully.  At that moment, Patrick peered into the window, saddened that SpongeBob never took any of his suggestions to mean a romantic outing.

"If you'd like to think of it that way, sure," smiled Ryan.

"YES!" shouted SpongeBob, "I'd love to."

* * *

**Saturday**

_Dear Diary,_

_So, today Ryan took me out on a date.  A real date, like the ones you see in movies, and it was the single most romantic experience that I have experienced in my whole life.  We went jellyfishing in Jellyfish Fields and Ryan showed me his super-cool professional jellyfish wrangler moves.  Well, he said he was a professional, but near the end of the day, I was having my doubts.  
_

_Ryan got stung 47 times today, and that was before the rest of the swarm came.  The best part of the day was at the end.  I took him home to patch him up_ _and I gave him a nice warm bath, where I bathed the pain away.  
_

**Tuesday**

_Dear Diary,_

_I just got back from another wonderful date with Ryan.  This time we went to that new movie, you know,_ Bloody Gore Ghost, _it was really scary, and that blood almost looked like red paint! The horror!_

 _Anyway, my date was_ stupendous _.  I learned that word today, Ryan taught me.  He said that the way my eyes sparkled against the light of screen was_ stupendous _.  And,_ _silly ol' me wasn't sure what that strange new word meant.  Then, he explained it to me.  It means really nice things.  So, I guess tonight was_ stupendous.

**Friday**

_Dear Diary,_

_This afternoon Ryan came over and surprised me with flowers!  It was just about the sweetest thing ever.  I think he might really like me!  It's hard to think straight sometimes when I'm around him, and I get this tickly feeling in my stomach, and my chest feels swollen.  It's like I'm sick, but I never want to get better!  I asked Sandy about it and she thinks I might be falling in love!  And then she wanted to run all of these tests on my changing emotions and rapid heart rates._

_After the flowers, we sat and talked for a while.  Ryan is such a cool guy!  He's done a lot of really neat stuff, like won a bubble blowing competition and served as a first mate on a pirate crew.  I feel so meager compared to him, but, for some reason, he thinks I'm the greatest.  These feelings I have are the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced._

**Sunday**

_Dear Diary,_

_I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!  Ryan asked to be my boyfriend!  Of course I said yes.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  I want the whole story recorded._

_So, last night Ryan called and asked if I wanted to go out to Jellyfish Fields.  He refused to give a reason why, but I trust him, so I said yes.  When we got there he took hold of my hands, almost like the day we met and told me he had something he wanted to tell me.  He looked so nervous and beautiful at the same time.  Looking into his big, wonderful purple eyes, I had hoped he would tell me he loved me, but what I got was so much better.  He told me that once, before he moved to Bikini Bottom, he was a very sought after lion, but he had never loved anyone back.  He said that he has been waiting for so long for someone amazing to come along, and now they had.  He told me that I was the funniest, kindest, yellowest person he'd ever met, and that he loved me with all his big purple heart, then he leaned in and kissed me.  I've never been kissed before.  It was so deep and passionate.  It hurts wonderfully just thinking about it.  My heart soared.  I've never been more in love._

* * *

SpongeBob and Ryan held hands as they drank out of a single large root beer float.  They shared a glass, but each had their own straw that they drank from.  Patrick peered in from outside into the diner window.  His anger grew and grew, and at this point his anger was uncontrollable, and he could no longer control it.  However, as his anger grew, so did SpongeBob and Ryan's love.

Patrick would follow them around and watch them do fun stuff together; from amusement parks to SpongeBob and Ryan's "alone time" in their houses, he watched everything.

One day, Patrick sat inside of his house, and began plotting how to get his love back since he was so sick of watching them.  He thought and thought until he came up with a brilliant plan.

Patrick made his way to the park, where he saw SpongeBob rubbing Ryan's tummy.  The purple lion basked in the sun, enjoying his yellow lover's petting of him.  All of a sudden, Patrick jumped from the bushes shouting, "Hu-wah!"  This startled the lovers very much.  SpongeBob even stopped rubbing the abdomen region of his love out of fright.

Patrick attacked Ryan fiercely, shouting many insults.  SpongeBob was very sad as he watched the love of his life on the ground wrestling the former love of his life.  Patrick fought very hard and was winning; he even kicked Ryan in the testicles.  Then, Ryan got the upper-hand, tackling Patrick to the ground. SpongeBob could no longer handle watching the fight, he needed a plan to stop it.

"Wait!" SpongeBob shouted, shoving the two apart.  "You don't need to fight over me! There's enough me for everybody!"

Ryan and Patrick stared at each other knowingly.  The three smiled and nodded at each other, after all… SpongeBob has a lot of holes.


	2. Goats Just Wanna Have Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ryan encounters his friends' heterosexual relationship he wonders what it would be like to be with a girl. So, he finds a goat.

Ryan woke up to the soothing sound of clams chirping. The purple lion looked over at his digital clock that sat on his nightstand. It read 10:00 A.M. His boyfriend, SpongeBob, would be at work already. Ryan wasn't currently employed, and was living off of funds he had accumulated from his last job, before moving to Bikini Bottom.

The purple lion sighed as he rolled out of bed; life was so boring when his beloved worked mornings. However, it meant that the gorgeous sponge would be able to spend the evening with Ryan, and the thought made him smile. Ryan made his way over to the bathroom, where he brushed out his large, fluffy, purple mane and brushed his sharp, carnivorous teeth. Looking at his majestic self in the mirror, he knew that he was ready to start the day.

Ryan decided that a walk would help him pass the time until his beloved got home. As he departed from his lawn, he saw SpongeBob’s neighbor, Squidward Tentacles, and their friend Sandy Cheeks standing rather close outside of Squidward’s house. “Ooooh, I wonder what they’re doing?” Ryan wondered. They were talking rather quietly, almost as if telling secrets. Squidward, who was notorious for his dislike of SpongeBob, was giggling. That was rare for the octopus, and it made Ryan uncomfortable. What if that mopey jerk was gossiping about his beloved? Deciding to investigate (and maybe kick some octopus butt) Ryan sauntered a bit closer. It turned out that his neighbors weren’t gossiping at all, but instead they were touching one another, similar to how he and SpongeBob sometimes touched. It looked like they were having great fun.

“That’s different than the kind of fun SpongeBob and I have, though,” muttered Ryan to himself. Suddenly, Sandy began taking off the bikini she was wearing. She was careful to keep her helmet on.

"THAT’S THE WRONG HOLE!!!” Ryan thought, shocked by Squidward and Sandy’s display.

Ryan couldn't tear his eyes away. He wondered why the two were having their fun time in such an odd manner. Perhaps it had to do with anatomy. Sandy was a girl, after all.

“I wonder what girls are like…” Ryan trailed off into thought, imagining his beloved SpongeBob in a dress. Sometimes SpongeBob liked to wear them for fun. But what if what was underneath the dress was different? “A girl sounds fun!” he thought to himself, imagining all of the things he might do with a female SpongeBob.

“Excuse me?” Ryan was snapped out of his daydreams. Standing in front of him was a rather pretty goat with blue bows in her fur. “I’m terribly sorry to bother you, but do you know the directions to the Krusty Krab from here?” she asked.

Ryan got very excited at the mention of his love’s workplace, “Oh! My total BF works there!”

“Oh! What a nice happenstance!” The goat smiled.

“I can walk you there,” offered Ryan, kindly. Anything that caused him to see his boyfriend during the day was a good thing.

“Why thank you, sir,” the goat replied.

“Call me Ryan,” he insisted.

“Okay! My name is Felice.” Ryan thought it was a nice name.

Unsurprisingly, when the two got to the Krusty Krab Squidward was nowhere to be seen. It was instead SpongeBob who took their order.

"Hi cutie,” greeted Ryan, as he and Felice walked up to the register. SpongeBob blushed fiercely.

“Hey you,” SpongeBob said reaching out to stroke Ryan’s fluffy mane. Ryan could feel himself glow with love.

“Oh,” said SpongeBob in surprise, noticing Felice, “Welcome to the Krusty Krab! Can I take your order, please?”

“Yes,” said the goat, pleasantly, “I’d like one Krabby Patty.”

“Coming right up!” said the fry cook, running to the back.

The goat and the lion chose a table to sit at. Not long after, Felice was served her Krabby Patty.

“Wow! This burger is SOOOO big!” she exclaimed. “I can’t eat it all by myself,” She looked up at Ryan, smiling sweetly.

“Oh!” exclaimed Ryan, getting the hint, “I love that meat! I'll help you eat it.”

The two tore into the Krabby Patty, savoring its flavor.

“This is my boyfriend’s meat! It’s a delicious!” said Ryan happily.

“So are you,” said Felice quietly as she eyed up the handsome purple lion.

“What?” Asked Ryan, doing a double take.

“…Nothing” came Felice’s response, but Ryan knew what he had heard.

Suddenly, he had an idea, “Hey…you’re a girl, right?” he asked the goat.

“Why yes, yes I am,” she responded.

“Well…” he said softly, “would you like to…experiment?”

Felice looked over to the Krusty Krab’s kitchen, “But don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Well…kind of…” said Ryan, feeling a little bad. But he really wanted to know what girls were like.

“Okay,” said Felice, finishing the Krabby Patty, “Let’s go!”

The two got up and left the restaurant.

Felice walked Ryan quite a way, to the outskirts of town to a rather run down motel called Motel Infinity. Ryan assumed that Felice had been staying there while she was in town.

Seductively, Felice backed Ryan down into the bed. Ryan felt really awkward, as she leaned in and tried to kiss him, “Um…how does this work?” he asked.

Felice laughed, “I’ll guide you through the whole thing, sweetie.”

Felice showed him where her you-know-what was, and they did it for the first time. It wasn’t that great, and afterwards Ryan knew he had made a mistake. He didn’t even like girls.

“What have I done?” Thought Ryan, stressed-out as Felice tried to snuggle him, “I cheated on SpongeBob and it wasn’t even fun! I dislike girls. I want HIM!!!”

And with that, the very sad purple lion left the hotel, ashamed and upset.


	3. Pride Rock Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's thrilling origin story.

“Grrrr!” The purple lion growled as he mounted the brown lion.  The two were wrestling on a really comfy bed, having a lot of fun.

“Okay, wrap it up!” a booming voice shouted from the director’s chair on the sidelines. 

The two lions on the bed separated, and the director of Pride Rock Hard Studios stood, smoothing out his green and purple Hawaiian shirt and flipping down his oversized sunglasses.  He sauntered up to the brown lion, patting him on the back.

“Wow Kovu!  I’ve never been more proud to be your grandfather-in-law!”

The purple lion moved to join the two.

“Ryan!” the director turned to the newcomer, “You’re such a star!  Great job out there!  You make us so much moolah!  And those underwater scenes, man!  So sexy!”

“Thanks Mufasa!  I’m such a good porn star!  I should do this forever!” Ryan exclaimed.

“You sure should, kiddo!”  The director laughed.  He then returned to his chair, leaving the two stars alone together.

“Hey, Ryan,” Kovu commented softly, “I need to talk to you.”

“Oh my gosh!  My boyfrayund!” Ryan giggled, “Do you wanna go on a date tonight?”

Kovu looked around shiftily, “Uh…yeah…tonight….”

Eagerly, Ryan agreed, his large purple mane bouncing with excitement as he nodded his head.  He then left to get ready for the next scene.

* * *

Later that night, at the Fandango Francé (which was an Italian restaurant), the two met up for their romantic outing.  They were on their second course, and Ryan was having a lovely time.

“Wow Kovu, I can’t believe that you bought me chicken tendys AND sketti and meatballs!” Ryan purred nudging a meatball over to Kovu.

“Yeah…sure,” Kovu reluctantly replied.

Then, a green waiter with a blue mustache walked over to check on the couple.

"You guys want food?” he asked, nonchalantly.

“We already have food!” Kovu snapped.

“More food?” the waiter asked, stroking his mustache.

“YES!  More food!” Ryan exclaimed, happily, “My BOYFRAYUND is paying!”

“Actually…no I’m not,” Kovu replied, angrily.

“WHAT?!  I thought this was a date!!!”  Ryan’s heart nearly stopped in his chest.

“About that…” Kovu began, “No it’s not.”

Ryan began to cry, as heart began to break.  This was all so unexpected.  Kovu gently took Ryan’s face in his paws.

“Ryan, I love you…but…there’s another!”

“What?” Ryan cried, “What do you mean? Is this about your wife?”  He had begun to put the pieces together, “I told you!  She doesn’t matter!  I love you, you love me!  What else is there?  We have love and porn!”

Kovu draped a front leg over his forehead, averting Ryan’s gaze, “It’s not her!  It’s what she makes!”

“Is this about children again?” Ryan was getting more upset, “I told you!  We can do it!  Science is a lie!”

“It’s not babies! It’s money!” Kovu cried.

“Are you cheating on me with Benjamin Franklin?” Ryan growled.

“Not yet.  Let me explain:  my wife, Kiara, produces straight porn for Pride Rock Hard Studios.”

“I know this!  She’s on the straight side,” Ryan snapped.

“And she’s Mufasa’s granddaughter!  If he finds out about us he will kick me out of the industry and Kiara will file for divorce!”

"We can run away together!” Ryan insisted, “We can run away and start a porn company all our own!”

“Ryan!  No!  We need money, and there is no money in gay porn,” Kovu insisted, “I’m leaving you so that I can go home to my wife and star in straight porn!”

With one last soulful glance, Kovu got up and left the table, leaving Ryan alone with his broken heart.

The green waiter with the blue mustache returned, “More food?”

Ryan slammed his front paws on the table, “No more food!” he growled, “No more love! No more porn!”  He then proceeded to get up and run out of the restaurant in distraught, leaving the green waiter behind with an unpaid bill.

“You need to pay….”

* * *

Ryan’s life was miserable.  He had fallen into a pit of despair and melancholy.  Nothing mattered.

That morning he met his new co-star.  A young black panther by the name of Mew Mew.  He was already dressed for their scene, wearing a generic pizza delivery man costume with shorts that were far too revealing.  Ryan lay on his back all day, forcing Mew Mew to do all of the work.  He no longer loved his job.

What was worse, he had no love of food, friends, or life.  He felt worthless and sad.

Even as he prepared for the upcoming Pornocon, nothing could spark him back to life.

After several weeks of soul crushing depression, Mufasa approached the purple lion:

“Ryan, you need to shape up.  We have a convention coming up, and we need you to be on you’re A-game for Pornocon!”

But it did not make any difference.  When Pornocon came, Ryan was still a broken lion.

The convention was packed, and everybody who was anybody was there.  Pride Rock Hard had gotten their own Q and A panel, with Ryan as their headliner.

“I have a question for Mew Mew!” an excited fan in the crowd exclaimed.

“Yes?” Mew Mew was excited to answer his first fan question.

“What is working with Ryan like?” the fan asked.

Mew Mew smiled, “He’s the best!  Better than my father’s diamonds!”

Another fan had a question for Kovu, “Are you really going to straight porn?”

Kovu responded, “Actually, yes.  I thought about it very long and hard.  My future lies with straight porn.”

There was a collective gasp from the audience.  Ryan almost started crying.

The final fan question went to Ryan.  A giraffe in a purple lion fursuit, which did not accommodate his long neck, asked, “When is your new movie coming out?”

Ryan took a deep breath, “Guys, it’s time to get deep.”

There was an excited murmur among the crowd.

“No, no, I have an important announcement,” Ryan shushed them, “Frayunds, fans, and all you other assholes,” he glared over to Kovu, “It’s time that I said this:  I love porn.  It has been a large part of my life, even before I was on this side of the camera.  However, recent events have shown me that porn is no longer my calling.  And SOMEONE made it clear that I don’t belong.  It’s time that I said goodbye to this, to my frayunds, my fans, and other assholes.  And it’s time I said goodbye to porn.  I am retiring.”

There was another collective gasp.  Someone in the back of the room began to wail.

“What a disgrace!” Mufasa yelled, standing up and slamming his front paws on the table, “How dare you do this to me!  I’m going to run you outta town!”

“No!” the fans pleaded, but Mufasa charged at Ryan.

Ryan got out of his seat, bolting for the door.  All of the other animals on the panel realized what was happening, and began to sing:

_“Deception,_

_Disgrace_

_Evil as plain as his purple face!”_

Mufasa kept up the chase, out of the building, out of the city, and into the ocean.

The ocean, where Ryan would wander for many a night.  He would become tired and hungry until he came across Bikini Bottom, and a sand castle with a for sale sign.


End file.
